Where have the days gone?

There was a time not long ago where I was so sure of everything. I knew where I was going what I was doing and why I was doing it. As I round the corner and see the finish line however the questions have begun to arise and my feet get colder by the day. 

Some times when something gets so close that you've wanted for so long, you start to find yourself questioning things. My race is right around the corner, I am about to start the fastest semester of my life and yet it feels like things are not right. Well in fact I know they are not right. 

There's been a number of things going on, pushing, pushing, pushing me right up against the wall. I can't exactly pin point what started it(that's a complete lie, I know preciously the who what when where why and how...down to the min) I am just not ready to come to grips with the fact that it actually happened...twice...  For whatever reason though it has me questioning the big things in my life right now. 

Is this tri, this race, this thing I've wanted for so long the right thing? Am I going to finish or will I freak out in the swim and not even come close? Will I let everyone down, including myself? Will I finish top 10 or will I just look like an idiot. Not only that but I've lost interest in training. I have to force myself into every session and I dread it. 

Along with losing interest in my race so rapidly I have lost interest in teaching. I now dread student teaching, something for which I've looked forward to. I am questioning if this is something I really want to do for the rest of my life. Am I going to be good at it? Will my students like me and enjoy class? 

I would challenge any of you reading this that training for a triathlon or any type of endurance race is 10% physical training and almost 90% mental. This training is taking a huge toll on me mentally and I really need to fight it and get back with it here soon. With student teaching starting next week I will not be able to train in the afternoon or middle of the day as I freely could before. I will have some very early mornings and some very long weekends. It's time to dig deep now, really deep and find out if this is what I really want. Along side training I need to dig deep and bust my tail during student teaching and get every ounce out of it that I can. Friends family and mentors are going to be an even bigger part now.  More than they ever were before. Wish me luck!

All for now

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself