Change can come at any point and time, it can show up with absolutely no warning and it can be triggered by just about anything. It can feel like your world is crashing down around you, it can feel like there is a giant rain cloud over your head and it just won't budge! Usually we can't pin point when this change starts or what sparked it, the events, the people or what have you (like I said, usually) but some times we can. For me, at the beginning, it felt like I was in a hamster wheel. I was going and going and going, but wasn't getting anywhere. At times I wish I could go back now and just tell the old me, hey keep going, there is a light! The plateaus, the off weeks, injuries, hard days all consume your head. Some times it seems like when you're working so hard towards something, the only thing you can focus on is the bad. Even if the good far out weighs the bad.
Today I look back at that person who I used to be, before the journey, before the fight, before the change and there are things that I miss. Some parts of the fight have left me shy, timid or scared in certain situations, new situations. It takes me time to warm-up in new situations now, whereas before I was always "warm." I miss that person who could walk in to a room of strangers and be the center of attention thats for sure. In the today, I would much rather hang on the outside and just watch. Is it necessarily a bad thing? No, it is just a changes that is the result of the actions of others. You live and you learn I guess. I forget birthdays from time to time, I don't necessarily love going to a packed bar on a saturday night and I would much rather eat pizza and drink a beer with some friends. Some may think I have become a bad friend or a different friend and I don't necessarily argue that point.
There are other times where I look at the new person in the mirror and I smile. When you stand there and look at that person, it is like a canvas. This canvas has been painted with a beautiful picture. Just as an artist goes through blood, sweat and tears in order to make the most beautiful work they can, you too make sacrifice in order to have something beautiful as a result. So when I look at my canvas, my painting in the mirror, I just can't help but smile. Whether it be in a new shirt, in a race picture, or just when I am brushing my teeth...I look as an artist admiring their own work. As the artist, I must say although the work is not complete, I like the way it is coming along.
The only thing better than admiring your own work is when someone else sees it and they can admire it with you. Most recently this happened to me while at work one morning. I was in between clients and there was a woman who always has her daughters there. I have become friendly with her because it feels like she is there nearly as much as I am. So as I pulled my lunch container out (it is a 6 Pack Bag so EVERYONE comments on it) she said "you know I have been meaning to tell you, you are awesome. I think that what you have done is awesome, your determination is admirable and you look absolutely amazing. I have be wanting to tell you this but you are always busy when I am here!" Man if that doesn't make you feel good, I don't know what will. It feels great when you can look on and admire you own work, or see your results from change. When someone else can see your work and admire it with you it is a great feeling.
From time to time it feels like this change is causing you so much pain or so much hardship. It can seem super frustrating or like things are going to break. Then there are times where change is beautiful. All change can be helpful and wonderful, it depends on how you want to look at it. It can be hard to see positives at times, believe me I know. Surrounding yourself with people who build you up will help aid in changes and things like this, weeding out the bad ones will make it even easier.
As for my training there have been some changes there as well. I have dialed things back significantly in order to get myself healthy again. I dropped my yardage in the pool, dropped my running back and completely cut out lifting. I realized that I wanted too many changes at once and my body was not ready. Realizing when you are trying to force things is huge and everyone needs to do it. I am just a few days over a month away from this season first race and it is hard to believe that things are right around the corner. I am excited for whats to come and I thank you all for your support!
As for today, there is more snow on the ground, things are canceled and schools are closed, I am so far over winter and ready for this season to get on some CHANGE!! It is a rest day for me here and I plan to take full advantage of that! Thanks for reading and I'll catch you next time!
All for now.
Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself
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