First week back!

This week was the first week back from reality and it was tough. The weather here in PA has not been fun this week. It has rained every afternoon which has totally messed with my training schedule. I haven't been able to ride my bike since vacation and I miss it terribly!

Just to pick up where I left off with my last post... I was talking about being super excited to go out in public in a tank. I just wanted to make a comment I thought of after that post. Some people may say "well it's not like you looked awful before you started training!" While this is 100% true, I wasn't happy with the reflection I saw in the mirror. I was not happy with myself or how I felt and so I decided I needed to make a change! When you put your mind to something it's incredible what you're capable of. I always said I just want to get rid of a little weight, I know I'll never look like this or that. But now I am not stopping at anything until I am a lean mean fighting machine!

This doesn't necessarily need to be applied to weight loss or getting in shape for that matter. Maybe your family is going through a troubling time or you've been faced with a mountain you never thought you would have to climb. You have two options. You can't sit and think or talk about how awful it is or you can go out and change it!  I can tell you that sitting and dwelling on it, only makes it worse. People are always going to find something you're doing "wrong" but when you stop doing things for other people and start doing things for yourself you'll see what I'm talking about. 

This past week I also had someone ask me to help them get on the right track with their diet and exercise. I  completely honored by this. Someone is recognizing my hard work and wants me to help them! It's super rewarding and I can't even begin to describe how that made me feel. I am super excited to see if she has what it takes to get there! I will make sure to keep y'all updated on that progress along with mine!

Today I saw a buddy of mine who I saw not too long ago. But today was different, he said "dude! You are looking cut up!!" That was a great feeling. I have said before that I am a pretty humble person and although I have been very successful, I don't think what I am doing is amazing or incredible. I am doing something I should have a long time ago. I also truly believe that it is something that everyone should be doing. I feel amazing and I want EVERYONE to feel this good!

As for this weekend I am headed out with a great group of friends and I can't wait. We are going to have a great weekend regardless of the weather forecast. These dudes have been there through thick and thin and now we get to enjoy so time together! 

This has seriously been the longest car ride ever and my back is starting to get super tight. I can't wait to get there and have a stinking beer! 

Hope all my readers have a wonderful weekend and the weather is better where you are!

All for now. 

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself!

Back to Reality

Well vacation has come and gone.  With a bit of a rocky start getting down there we lost a few beach days.  This also meant a few days of riding for me, but I still got out.  Overall we had a good vacation.  It wasn't one for the record books by any means, but we had a great time.  Our "neighbors" were two women we met in a previous trip there and they are absolutely amazing! So glad we had a chance to see them again!

I believe I wrote a post on Tuesday Wednesday when I was down there.  So Thursday we woke up and played a round of golf with my Dad.  It was a little chilly in the morning but ended up being a very nice day.  We came back and unfortunately the weather did not cooperate with us and I lost another day on the beach so I went shopping with my grandparents. 

Friday I woke up and I was just delaying the inevitable.  I knew it was our last day and I didn't want to waste a minute on the beach.  As much as I didn't want to I geared up for a ride.  Boy am I glad I did!! I had a beautiful ride through the town of Myrtle Beach and back totaling just under 23 miles according to my Strava! It was a beautiful ride and I am so glad that I went.  For the first time I felt like a "real rider."  What is that feeling, well don't ask me because I can't tell you but I sure did feel it!  I was just cruising along with cars going right next to me, which was the one thing I was nervous about.  For those of you who don't know the town of Myrtle Beach well, there is a very high population of campers.  The first time that HUGE truck went wizzing by with a camper right next to me I was definitely a little nervous!

I came back from my ride and headed straight to the beach and stayed there for as long as I possibly could.  For those of you who don't know me well, I am a complete beach bum and I LOVE the beach! We came back and had dinner and then I went back out Friday night.  As I was leaving my little cousin Nicholas asked me where I was going(he is only 2).  I told him I was going shopping and asked if he wanted to come, I promised him ice cream if he was good.  So of course he jumped at the choice, LITERALLY, he jumped off the steps into my arms!  So off we went.  We got to the stores and I plopped him up on my shoulders.  He was an absolute angel the entire time so of course I bought him ice cream. 

Here's the little dude digging into his Ben and Jerry's.  He carried that silly little drink umbrella around all night!

Our return trip Sunday was much better than the trip down.  No blown tires or craziness to get there.  We got home and unpacked everything and had some dinner.  My mom asked me what I wanted and after that week I just had some chicken and salad.  There were QUITE a few cheat meals down there!  After that I just went to bed, I was exhausted.

Today I got up and went to church as I do every Sunday.  I actually saw a neighbor there and she said "You look amazing! I saw you running the other day!" Then after church one of the ushers stopped me and asked if I had been working out so I explained I was training for a triathlon.  He expressed that he thought that was great and said how he always feels better when he works out.  I agreed with him and said there was no better feeling!

I came home and was back and forth between texting so friends to go down to the river or go out and get bike shoes.  I decided after my rides at the beach that it was time to bite the bullet and get some new shoes.  After riding down there I realized that I really need to get my shoes and clips on so I can get the most out of my rides.  So I changed out of my work clothes and headed out.  I went to a few bike stores before I ended up at Performance Bike over in DE to get shoes.  When I left the house I put on a tank that I bought down at the beach and went and looked in the mirror.  For the first time I felt comfortable going out in public in a tank.  It was absolutely INCREDIBLE!  Before this, the only time I wore a tank was walking to the beach and back....that's it.  Today for the first time I actually felt comfortable going out in public and walking around in a tank and I felt so awesome.

Here I am in my Ron Jon tank!

 

When I left today I did not really have any intentions of buying shoes.  I have never worn tri shoes or any type of bike shoe for that matter.  I was just going to try some shoes on so that I knew what size to order from the internet.  When I tried on the size I thought I was they were too big.  This was good and bad because the shoes I found online were only $60 but they would have never fit.  So of course I walked out of the store with a pair of shoes.  I can't wait to get my cleats and turn into more of a "real rider!" I also order my first ID bracelet from Road ID and I can't wait for it to get here! 

My Shimano Tri Shoes

Aside from getting my new shoes there weren't too many exciting things going on today.  I wanted to go for a ride and or run but the weather was just not cooperating with me.  As for tomorrow it is back to work.  This is also the last week of my summer class.  It will be the last time I put paper on pencil for a written test and it is REALLY weird to think about.  It did not hit me until writing this that it is the last time I will take a written test as an undergrad.  It will be bittersweet for me because I cannot wait to graduate and start my next chapter but I will also be lost not getting up and going to class!

As for now I am going to listen to a little more of this new Sublime album, Yours Truly and fall asleep.  If you haven't tried it yet I highly suggest you check it out, it's a really great album and I am liking it a lot.  My training is going very well and I am getting super excited for my race.  I am hoping that there are a few more people who come to give me a high five a long the way for this race.  This will be my biggest accomplishment to date and there are a few people who have been here through every step that I really want to be there to witness it with me.  Until next time thanks for reading and remember whatever fight you are fighting, DON'T YOU EVER GIVE UP!!

All for now.
Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself

No Days Off

I am sitting outside listening to all of the little teens riding around on their golf carts and I decided to write something up. We are in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and boy was it a journey to get down here. This year was our first year towing our camper down. We left on Friday and headed straight for 95 south. I was so excited to get to the beach. Fresh off a trip to the mall with some new clothes that fit I couldn't wait to get here and show everything off. That was quickly put to a stop one hour into our road trip when the wheel flew off the camper. And hour or so later we had the camper on a flat bed and we were turning around to head home. Just as I am sure my parents felt, I felt defeated. We had to turn around and go home only to answer to neighbors as to why we weren't at the beach.

I woke up the next day and there was a weird feeling flowing throughout the house. No one had any answered or knew what was going on. I laced up my shoes and decided I needed to go for a run. On that run I PR my 10K time and felt amazing. When I got back and showered I got word it was time to go get the camper and start our road trip again. FINALLY! We were on the road again and heading as far as we could. We made it down passed Fredericksburg VA and just as we were pulling into the hotel parking lot we blew out the other tire on the camper. SERIOUSLY?! The devil so did not want us to get to the beach!

After waiting a few hours we found an extremely nice guy who came and slapped two brand new tires on the camper and we were off on the road again. We arrived here in myrtle beach safe and sound thankfully and got everything set up. Although we were here, things felt different. It wasn't the same as years past. None the less we got here and it was a week away from the stresses of work and home. 

I woke up and took my new bike for a spin. What a beautiful ride!  It's funny because I have never woken up to go workout in years past. I always just rolled out of bed and headed straight for the beach. Like I said though this year is different. I am running, riding, and practicing yoga down here. I find myself in a different position but I like this position MUCH more than the years before. Yes my family laughs at me but they also know how far I have come. 

Yesterday I went to the lazy river that is here in the campground. I work in a public pool so I know a thing or two about them. For one when I show up to a public pool I automatically start people watching. I watch children more than their own parents and within 5 minutes of being there I can tell you who is a "high risk."  Against my better judgement I grabbed a float and jumped in. Things were going great until it was time to get out. When I got out I looked over and saw a girl looking at me and laughing. She immediately said something to her friend who in turn looked over at me am began to laugh. I'm not an idiot, I've gone through this for years and I knew exactly what was going on....the funny thing is, they have no idea how far I have come. Losing 85 pounds did not come easy. They don't know the stresses and strain that I have gone through. REGARDLESS of what they think I was proud of myself although that moment sucked. I am going to continue on my journey and I will become a triathlete come hell or high water. 

Last night I also had a conference call with my aunt and some others for a product called Zrii. From what I have read this sound like a great product that I could benefit from and I am certainly going to look into it further. Again I was on a conference call trying to better myself regardless of being on vacation. I am excited for the things to come and you should be to. I had a friend message me who read my blog. She said 

"Yo freaky, I couldn't sleep last night so I took a look at your latest blog. You literally brought me to tears with your story about going to the store. Shopping is every heavy persons hell! Jus wanted to say that I'm so happy for you! You should feel so accomplished and proud of yourself! Enjoy your vacation with your new bod!"

Holy cow was that a reality check. For one I had no idea that more people I thought read this. Two I didn't know that the things I wrote we're that powerful and I am so grateful that I can effect people in that way. I thank everyone for reading and the constant support they give me. You all are incredible and you are what keeps me going. I thank each and every one of you. 

This is me in my new "bod" and my new tank. 

Despite what it took to get to where I am and what it took to get to the beach I am not stopping. I see new changes every single day and I feel incredible. I am excited to learn more about Zrii and what it can do for my training. I am also excited for where my training will go and bettering myself for the race come September. Keep checking in and I promise to keep y'all up to date. Probably should have written my paper for school instead of this post but tomorrow is another day ;). 

All for now

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself. 

Yes we do have that size!

Today, oh today how it was so small but so huge at the same time for me!! It started as an other day, I woke up, cooked breakfast and got ready for work and I was on my way. The weather here then decided to strike again. It thundered as I was walking through the parking lot and so I knew I wasn't going to be getting in the pool on time. Little did I know walking into work did I know that I would not get in the pool at all today. Our club lost power at about 9:15 or 9:30. Mind you when the power goes out all hell breaks loose. People were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. People were bossing each other around and it just turned into one giant pissing contest about who knew more than the next person. I took my spot in a nice comfy chair and just sat back and laughed. This was all well and good but I began to get restless. I'm like a little kid and I can't sit in one spot for too long without going CRAZY. So after awhile I started to wander around and attempt to keep myself busy. I looked outside and saw the weather clearing and thought we were going to resume our swim lessons. Again I couldn't have been more wrong. One of the grounds keepers pulled up an app on his phone from Delmarva which said we wouldn't have power back until some time between 2-8pm. Apparently there was a slight problem with one of the transformers. So I called my lessons and ended up leaving work incredibly early. 

On my way out I saw a guy who I work with who I have looked up to since I started there. He has been into this triathlon business for awhile and he said he wanted to check out my new ride. So we broke out the Trek from my trunk and we messed around for awhile. I showed him the pedals I had and he said forget that man, come over here, I have some better pedals for you. He pulled out a new looking set of pedals and said here just take these. AGAIN!  The people in this community are so giving I can't believe it! I am so grateful to all of them!

After we put everything away I thought what next? Well I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow and I have no beach clothing that fits. Mind you I am an absolute beach bum so I can get away with wearing boardies 24/7 while I'm down there and not playing golf. So I decided to head to the mall to get some new threads. I hit my first store and I felt like I was right back where I used to be. The stupid store had shorts all in sizes 29 and 30. Seriously. What real person wears that size. I was so pissed. 

I moved on to my third store feeling extremely frustrated. But then it happened....if I could jump through the computer screen and hug you while you were reading this due to excitement I absolutely would!!  I picked out two tanks to go try on because they were BOGO. I went into the fitting room and tried them on....THEY FIT LIKE A GLOVE! Size large tanks and they fit absolutely perfect. I was jumping out of my skin. At one point and time I was probably pushing 2-3XL shirts and could never find anything. Today I walked in, picked out what I wanted and it fit. I wasn't done there though, I decided to push my luck again. I found PBR boardies that I really liked and so I decided I wanted to try them out for size too. So of course I had to ask for help to get them down. The anxiety built up as the girl pulled off a bunch from the extremely high rack and I'm standing there thinking great here we go again. So she found my size and I went back to try them on. Yup you guess it! Another perfect fit! Twice in a row. The shorts were a size 34. So I went from 2XL shirts and 40 waist to size larger shirt and 34 shorts. I put on one of the tanks that I picked out and just stood there and looked in the mirror for a second. I couldn't believe it. For once I went into a store, found clothes I liked and thought I actually looked GOOD in. It was such a huge moment for me. I could see all the hard work right there in front of me. Clothes that ACTUALLY fit and it felt INCREDIBLE! I have never left a store so satisfied before and it was just insane and weird to me. I had never felt like this before and I loved it. I can't stop!

I came home on cloud 9 and decided to do a swim. I'm blessed to have a pool right in my backyard so I grabbed my gear bag and jumped in. Since our pool isn't 25 yards long I decided to start my watch and just go for 30 minutes instead of going for yards. After my swim I dried off and jumped right into my running gear. Then stupid Mother Nature hit again and it started to rain. So I headed into the basement to try and do what I could. It wasn't cutting it though. I REALLY wanted to run. So I was doing my circuit and I remembered that my neighbor had a treadmill! So I sent him a text and he told me to come over. I jumped on and just started going. For whatever reason it felt like one of my best runs to date. I don't know if it was because I was still on cloud 9 from my mall trip or if it was just me getting better. I'll go for a mixture of both. 

Today was so huge for me in so many ways although to the on looker it may seem so small. The old me would have given up after the first store in the mall and just stormed out. But I continued on and I am so glad I did. Second when I got out of the pool the old me would have just been satisfied with the half hour swim. But that wasn't enough, I need MORE!  It is becoming a common theme and I don't hate it at all. The feeling when I get during and after such a good workout can not compare to anything else in the world. When I do something for myself though such as go get new clothes it's something that I can't compare to anything else. The results and hard work and everything are right there in front of my eyes. After my race last weekend the guy I ran with told me you need to set rewards for yourself and allow yourself those rewards. I thought of that today in the fitting room and I did just that. I'm still on cloud 9 and I thank him for giving me that small yet so valuable piece of advice. 

Tomorrow is an early morning for me. I am opening the club at 5:15 am and that is the only thing standing between me and vacation! I can't wait. I don't think I've even been so excited to go to the beach. Finally I can enjoy the fruits of my labor! It's time for me to sign off. Remember that hug cause I'm jumping through the screen and giving you that huge for reading. Thank you, you're helping and you don't even realize it. Good night all. 

All for now. 

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself

Hitting the Ground Running!

So much to say and so little time!  This is becoming such a common thing for me.  I thought today that it has been ages since I have posted and I am so exhausted but I need to post before I fall asleep.  Things are moving so fast and I know that they are not going to slow down the least bit!  Work, school and training have begun to take over my life.  I am trying to balance everything right now and although it is overwhelming I am having such a great summer so far.

I picked up my bike on Friday!! I was ecstatic the entire day.  I couldn't wait to get out of work and go get my hands on it.  The time came and I went and picked her up from Ron's house.  It was all sparkling and brand new.  I was beside myself.  Ron has been amazing and he took the time to go over things with me when I got there.  He should me everything they did and explained everything to me.  He then hooked me up with everything I needed to get out on the road.  He has just been absolutely incredible and I am so BLESSED to have people in my life like him.  He gave me gear and tools and everything to get on the road.  He could have so easily gotten me in contact with the guy who was selling the bike and just left it at that, but he didn't and he wouldn't!  I have since gone for two rides and I LOVE it, I am absolutely addicted and cannot wait for my race.  I want to ride everyday until it gets here.

 

Here she is, 2010 Trek 2.1 Alpha!

Last week I got a text from a friend asking me to do a 10k trail race with him.  I thought, 10K come on I did the biggest 10 miler in the country, I got this!  Boy was I mistaken!  Let me just tell you how different a trail run in from a road run.  When the race started, I was stuck behind two ladies who were just there shooting the breeze.  I was stuck behind them for almost half of the race.  This killed my time and totally got in my head.  On top of this, we are on the east coast as I may have mentioned before so imgaine how fun a trial run was, post rain storm....  I was so much slower than I anticipated for the race and that got to me.  When I finished I had to stop myself and think, a year ago you would have never done this, and today you came out and conquered it.  That is more than most can say and I am proud of myself for that.  

Here are some sweet socks I got and an awesome running water bottle that I wanted so bad!

This is my attempt at taking a picture while running the race.  The course was beautiful!

As for everything else, life is good.  After last weeks blow out with my old friend we had dinner on Saturday after my race and everything.  From my race I went and worked a private party which was interesting in and of itself.  I saw someone from the facility where I used to work and she acted like we were best buds.  She sat there and talked to me for at least an hour if not longer like no time had past.  Let me just share with you that this chick came up to my care one night and was pounding on my window and telling me "I couldn't do THAT here"  I was a little confused because I wasn't doing anything but whatever haha.  I am always professional especially when I am working so I just went with the flow.  I also hate confrontation so I wasn't about to have any when I was working, whether a private party or not....So back to dinner.  It was AMAZING...again.  We had a great dinner that I made and great drinks and just a great time.  

 

Kabobs and quinoa...perfect!

 

We have been messaging back and forth and I am happy but it still puts me in a bad spot.  I am scared.  Today she didn't respond to me forever and it left me questioning and waiting and I didn't like that.  I am also scared to tell my friends that we have begun talking again.  They saw what happened to me and although I feel so incredibly distant from them now for so many reasons I feel like they still care and don't want to see that happen again.  On Saturday one of my very good friends called me and asked me to come over and I was so scared to tell them that I couldn't because we were having dinner.  First of all I always want to do too many things at once and I hate telling people no I can't because I feel like I am letting them down.  On top of that I was just so scared to tell them WHY and I don't want to mess anything up again.  I just hope I didn't.  Aside from that things have been good and I feel like I am getting to that spot where I have wanted to me for so long.  

On Friday I got a text from an amazing friend, it read:

"Was talking with your parents earlier! We are so proud of you for the dedication you put in to losing weight!  It's going to even further fuel the inspiration that you will have for the kids you teach someday!"

This made me feel amazing and I can't even put into words how great it was to read.  The point of this blog is to get things off my chest and off my mind.  However I hope that if you are reading it, it reaches you the way others have reached me.  Whether it inspires you or helps you keep going, I just hope it helps you get through whatever it is you are trying to get through.  So many people have helped me through this and I want to give back ten fold.  

 

Last night I went to get some bathing suits because I have none that fit anymore.  It's funny because the guy I ran with has been on a journey that is even greater than mine.  He has inspired me incredibly.  Post race we were having a conversation and we both agreed that losing weight is great but people don't understand how frustrating it is to try and get dressed when you have nothing that fits!  So i grabbed a few bathing suits in the size I thought I was.   Well I went and tried them on and THEY DIDN'T FIT!  So I went back again and got some more....Size 34 from a 40...it felt absolutely incredible.  After shopping I went for pizza and beer with my friend at an amazing little spot she found.  All craft beer on draft and they make their own pizza.  It was basically heaven for me.  We had another great time and I really enjoyed the dinner.  It's incredible what the little things can do for you!

Today I went for a ride and it made me feel amazing.  No music, no nothing, just me and the road.  It helped me clear my head and really get things on track.  I can't thank everyone enough, it is probably annoying by now but seriously thank you everyone for your support.  Along with that thank you to the person who got me started.  You have been incredible and I am eternally grateful for everything you have done for me and continue to do.  You're the man!

Post ride today!

It is time for me to sign off and head to bed.  Thank you all for reading and I hope you are enjoying the sun between the rain drops if you are on the east coast!

All for now

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself

Summer is in full swing here!

Well things are in full swing here and if I thought I was busy during school, I ain't seen nothing yet!  Everything is picking up at this point but I love it for some reason.  I love the summer as I have said in previous posts.  It is my absolute favorite time of year.  We have a vacation on deck here very soon and I am getting super excited for that.  We go away with my family, my grandparents and my aunts family.  All of us some how fit in one RV and one pop up camper in a camp ground and it is a guaranteed good time for everyone!

It is starting to hit how close my race is getting and I am actually starting to get a little nervous.  I know it is bound to happen and there will be times where I look like a complete rookie I am sure.  I have never done a tri before and if you read my post about Broad Street, you know I am good at sticking out like a sore thumb whether I think I am or not.  All of that aside, I am super excited for it and can't wait!

If you have been following these posts at all you know that I was struggling with funding my classes for this summer.  Well I put my big boy pants on and got everything taken care of and I am through my first week of class.  Yes everything worked out and I have class two days a week right now for 4 hours each night.  The class is Teaching English Language Learners to boot....yeah stick a needle in my eye to say the least.  It is just a little hump that stand between me and student teaching and then becoming a physical education teacher.  I CANNOT wait to fulfill that dream and work with children. 

I do not have my bike yet and I am starting to get a little worried.  I have been riding in spin classes and on spin bikes etc. to help prepare.  I have never ridden a rode bike though and I have just about three months to get acclimated to the whole thing.  I am a little nervous about the clip in pedals and working the gears and riding on the road next to cars and trucks etc.  In the same breath I am so excited to get out on the road though and get riding!  Hopefully I will have my bike before we leave so I cant ride when I am down in South Carolina.

If you remember how excited I was about the jump rope I purchased you will also find enjoyment in this post.  I just bought a cheap $4 Walmart special to get started.  The other day I went to the park I always go to and I took it with me.  I thought to myself THIS is the day, I am going to teach myself how to do this.  So I bit the bullet and tried it.  I sucked...no surprise.  I didn't stop though, I kept trying and trying and trying.  Yes I failed quite a few times but when I did ten in a row I practically jumped out of my skin.  In the past I have always quit when things got tough.  If I struggled with a jump rope in PE class or where ever I was, I would just stop.  I have gone back and tried it multiple times since this day with success and I love it.  I can feel myself getting better each time and it is an incredible feeling.  Success is one of the greatest feelings and I won't give up until I can do double unders and speed rope!

My uncles service was on Sunday and it was a day filled with a million and a half emotions.  It was bittersweet for me because I got to see family who I haven't seen since my grandmother passed back in 2009.  Things went a little south with that side of the family so we don't talk to them much anymore, if any at all.  Last night I was hanging out and I got a message from one of my cousins(it was his father that passed).  He wanted to thank me for coming and also commend me on what I had been doing.  I have looked up to this cousin since I was a little kid and I absolutely think the world of him for so many reasons.  One he lives in Cali and totally embraces the lifestyle.  When I was out there with him, I had such a great time.  Second he graduated from the US Naval Academy.  He is now a US Marine and is ranked one of the top in the country for what he can do in sharp shooting.  When he messaged me he said:

"I think from your posts (pics of healthily food and marathon) you have been on a mission. Really proud of you. Not that you lost weight but much much more...that your determination and focus got you to accomplish what you set out to do.  Listen any body can lose weight. But you cant apply that action to anything else. Your determination, focus and will power to get it done are the lessons and awareness that are much more important to learn cuz those traits can be applied to anything and everything you do. So Awesome."

Wow is all I have to say.  I was completely beside myself.  I think he was one of the first people who said ANYTHING like that.  He hit the nail on the head.  I just don't even know what to say still even to this minute.   It was just absolutely incredible to hear something that powerful, especially from someone who you have looked up to for so many years.

Today was rough from the start for me.  Ever since I finished my bottle of thermo, I can't seem to get going in the morning.  I like how it gets me up and going, however I don't like how I can't find that motivation when I am not using it.  I woke up to realize I had forgotten about homework for my class so I made breakfast and took care of that.  

Breakfast today was steak and egg whites along with a sliced apple and a coco cafe coffee.

After this I headed out to class for the afternoon, as much as I did not want to be there.  Today wasn't all that bad however and we got out an hour early!  

After that it was off to the park again.  I was going to do some weights or swim today but then I remembered it was National Running day, so naturally I had to go for a run!  It wasn't my best run ever but I still got in a little over 45 minutes and when you have zero motivation, finishing 5 miles and some change feels great.

I thought I had everything figured out with my friend after last weekend.  We had such an amazing time and I could really see things coming back around.  Yes I was scared, naturally, but I was excited at the same time.  Anyone would be scared to get back into something after being out so long so that is only natural.  (Naturally crash my party by Luke Bryan would come on pandora as I write this) So i thought things were good and we were making steps in the right direction.  Until today....Back in September I got a new phone with a new phone number and she doesn't have it.  All of our communicating has been through Facebook.  Is this normal? No probably not, but I don't think things have ever been "normal" for the two of us.  I was good with the way things were going and communicating the way we were.  I am someone who needs to take things slowly and one day at a time.  Things ended very bad between us and we were both equally as mean to one another when things ended.  For this reason I needed to take things slow...She didn't want to do that and she doesn't understand why we have to talk via facebook.  (Now Hunter Hayes I Want Crazy....seriously?! is someone messing with me?) So a year and a half later since we have broken up I still haven't found someone who makes me feel the way she did.  I haven't found someone who I think is equally as beautiful, fun, crazy....anything.  There are still days that I literally think about her every minute of every hour.  That being said I can't jump right back to where I was.  I just need to take things slow, but I don't think she wants to do that and it is absolutely killing me.  I don't think there is someone who knows me inside and out better.  It kills me to not have her in my life and I don't know what to do about it.....She said she isn't going to talk to me anymore unless I call her and she hasn't responded to me since.  I don't like this and I just hope that everything works out the way it is supposed to, she was really mad and I have no idea why....

This weekend is going to be crazy busy, followed by an insane week before I leave for the beach.  I am house sitting this weekend for a buddy of mine.  I am also guarding a pool for a graduation party for another friend and I have to go to a lifeguard inservice on Sunday evening.  This is all followed by a 5:15 opening shift on the first day of the new swim session on Monday morning!  YEEEEHAAAAW!! Boy am I going to be ready to get away by next Friday that's for sure.

Hope everyone had a great National Running day! I am off to bed so that I can wake up and lift before work tomorrow morning, can't stop, won't stop!  I will see you all again the next time but until then I will leave you with this:

All for now

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself 

ps this might be the longest post to date and I apologize!

The little things...

Well it's Saturday and I just got home from work. After a very stressful week I am reflecting and digressing as I have grown to do on my weekends. Tonight I worked an extra long day because of all the school bills I have acquired over the past week. I need the extra cash and it was only a few extra hours. It was however a VERY long day out in the sun and I am exhausted.  Some people may laugh at me and say I have it easy working as a lifeguard on the weekends but being out in the sun all day is exhausting!  

Yesterday was a great day. I went and helped at my mom's school for field day and I had a blast working with the students of her school. It was a small field day and the kids were young but it was fun being around them. Even the simplest activities are exciting for them and watching them have a good time is great for me. Sometimes it's the little things in life that are the best and that's what this post is all about. 

After field day I came home and cleaned some things up around the house. I wanted to go to yoga so bad yesterday morning but unfortunately the timing just wasn't there. We moved the start time of field day up so that the students weren't outside in the heat of the day. I cleaned my room and handled various other chores around the house before heading to work. I was supposed to have a handful of lessons but people canceled and I only ended up teaching two. To say the least I was a little annoyed but that's just part of life. 

After work I showered up and headed out for the night. I went into West Chester for some sushi and had an awesome time. The sushi was delicious and I highly recommend Kooma if you are from the area. I really couldn't have asked for a better dinner, it was AWESOME!  I went to dinner with an old friend of mine. Same old friend as before and we had such a great time. Honestly after this week, it was exactly what I needed. When I was walking back to my car I came to my floor on the parking garage and I looked at the pillars that they have by the steps. I always wished I could jump over one of them like I had seen my friends do a million times. You know where you run up and put your hands on the top and then swing your legs around. I had never had the courage to try it but last night I figured heck, let's go for it. So I tried it...and I DID IT!! It felt awesome. You may think this sounds so little and so silly but to me, it was huge! Again, sometimes it's the little things...

After dinner I went back to my friends house. After some back and forth I decided to go in and I am also super glad I did. We hung out for awhile and I saw her new house which is super cute. It's funny because after all of the time that has passed, we can hangout as if there has been no time whatsoever. It was odd to be laying in her arms again yet so comforting at the same time. When we were together the ENTIRE world was against us. It was a giant storm around us at all times but when we were together none of that mattered. We could come together and just forget it all. That's exactly what I did last night. We came together and had such a great time and I forgot about all of the things that were stressing me over the past week. I forgot about everything and just enjoyed my night, isn't that how life is supposed to be?

Where does that leave me now you ask? Scared, lost, confused, mad and a million other emotions. We were messaging back and forth today and right in the middle of the conversation it just stopped. I found myself sitting, waiting and wishing for a message that never came and I don't like where I am now. I can feel myself boarding the emotional roller coaster I was on before and I can't go back there. I have shut off my Facebook and I just need to take a minute to reflect and really think about what I need. I need so much right now and I don't want to force ANYONE into giving something that they aren't capable of, including myself. Not to mention I don't really want to talk to anyone right now. People who don't ACTUALLY care about what I have been doing have found me and want to connect via Facebook basically just to check up and see what I have been doing. I don't have time for it to be honest nor do I really care to connect with them. If we haven't talked since high school or even better yet didn't talk in high school, I have no interest in being your friend on some stupid social network so you can creep on me.  Tomorrow is the service for my uncle who passed away and I know it's going to be a day filled with emotion and I am not excited about it. 

I have been slacking on my training and I can feel it. Not physically but emotionally actually. I hate skipping workouts and I don't feel good when I do. I get very down and very emotional. I know it's proven that my exercise helps me and I need to just make it work and keep doing it for myself. It's funny because even after putting this all into words I feel better. I love that I started this blog and it has helped me through so much. My bike should be arriving very very soon and I am excited to get out there and start riding. I know having my bike and being able to train in the evenings and go for a ride will get my activity level back up to where it needs to be. I thank everyone for reading and the continued support. It's amazing and great to know there are people out there going through some of the same challenges. You may consider it hypocritical because I connect with people via blogging whom I have never met but don't want to connect with people who I went to school with, don't judge me. I am going to lay down and attempt to forget the emotional day I have on tap for tomorrow. I hope everyone has and enjoyable and relaxing Sunday and a great start to their week. Until next time....

All for now 

Keep FSU and Do It For Yourself